Couples Therapy in San Francisco & Berkeley, CA
In person in San Francisco, Berkeley, and online across California.
For partners who keep landing in the same conversation, have drifted into logistics, or want to build a sturdier foundation before the next chapter begins.
What Is Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy is where the two of you look at the pattern between you instead of relitigating who was right.
Most couples arrive able to describe the fight in detail and point to their partner’s role in it but are unable to see the pattern underneath it. Understanding that pattern and learning how to disrupt it is often the work. This isn’t about avoiding conflict, it’s about learning a more thoughtful approach to it. It’s also about bringing more intentionality to closeness and connection, learning how to scan for safety and appreciation, when our bodies are hard wired to scan for threat.
I don't act as a referee. I look at what happens between you, the attack, the withdrawal, the hyper-polite wall, and I name it out loud.
Then we replace those moves with tools you can use on a Tuesday night, not just in my office. The aim is to pivot the two of you from adversaries back to teammates who can co-author a shared future, or help you bring more intimacy and connection into your relationship.
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #157969). I completed Gottman training Levels 1, 2, and 3, and I am a Certified Prepare/Enrich Facilitator. I see couples in person at my San Francisco and Berkeley offices, and online anywhere in California.
The Script on Repeat
It often sounds something like:
"On paper we look like the perfect couple. Behind closed doors, I miss my best friend."
"We divide the calendars and the chores with executive precision, but we want our spark back."
"We love each other deeply, but we keep getting tripped up by old defensive habits."
"Intimacy has dissolved into quiet resentment and endless avoidance."
"I hold things back because I am always bracing for criticism, even though all I want is to feel close to you."
"Small quirks have turned into the ick, and I feel bad about it. I want to want you again."
"Every conversation turns into a fight over who is right, when really we both just want to feel heard."
"We remember how easy and playful this used to be, and we want to find our way back there."
Which leaves the question underneath all of it:
When did we start protecting ourselves from each other instead of connecting?
What We Work On
Trust, repair, and old hurts
Processing the incidents that never got resolved, so they stop getting pulled into every new argument as evidence.
Communication & conflict cycles
The repetitive loop that never resolves, and the specific moves each of you makes inside it that keep it running.
Life transitions
Navigating the invisible loyalty binds, co-parenting with ex-partners, establishing step-role boundaries without resentment, and forging a cohesive team when two different family cultures collide.
Blended families and stepparenting
Moves, careers, new parenthood, loss, and the other pivots that break a communication system that used to work.
The unexamined emotional scripts around spending, saving, and earning power that quietly turn budget check-ins into fights about control, safety, or worth.
Finances and the invisible scorecard
The roommate drift
When the relationship has quietly become a shared calendar and a division of labor, and the friendship and intimacy underneath went missing.
Intimacy and desire
The performance pressure, the mismatched needs, and the way physical connection turns into one more item on a list.
Family of origin and boundaries
The inherited blueprints each of you brought, and where extended family involvement ends and your partnership begins.
Future planning and shared meaning
Aligning on the unwritten life chapters - career moves, long-term wealth, aging parents, and personal dreams—so you build a shared vision instead of living parallel lives.
Autonomy vs. fusion (The "Me" vs. "We")
How to stay anchored in your own identity, voice, and boundaries without emotionally disconnecting or self-abandoning just to keep the peace.
How I Approach Our Sessions
We Read the Script
I want to see how the two of you interact in the room, not just hear each of you describe it after the fact. Most couples are surprised by how quickly the unwritten script reveals itself once someone is actively tracking the pattern.
We slow the body down before the story
Stories leave the mind but take up residence in the body, as tension, hyper-vigilance, and exhaustion. Before we work on content, you learn to notice flooding and regulate your own nervous system.
We name the spin out loud
I map the hidden dynamic and say what I see. Who reached, who pulled back, whose old script just walked into the room. Direct pattern naming rather than passive refereeing.
We honor the armor before we ask you to drop it
Going quiet, attacking, being endlessly polite: none of these were mistakes. They kept you safe once. We respect that before asking you to set it down.
We hand the pen back
You leave with tools, language, and a shared way of repairing, so the work does not depend on me being in the room.
None of this is fast, and no one can promise a particular ending. For many couples, it is within reach.
I am an integral, relational psychotherapist, which means I help you repair your relationship with yourself, your past, and each other. My work bridges several therapeutic frameworks to map the patterns and protective parts keeping you stuck. Two specific specialties I bring into this integrative work are the Gottman Method and Prepare/Enrich.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Structured, research-backed work for partners stuck in chronic conflict, gridlock, or emotional shutdown.
Specialties
Premarital Counseling
Short-term work using Prepare/Enrich and Gottman tools for engaged and committed partners building a foundation.
Couples Intensives
Some couples benefit from having more time and space than a traditional weekly therapy session can provide.
Couples intensives offer a focused opportunity to slow down, go deeper, and work through relationship patterns with more continuity. This format can be helpful for couples who feel stuck in recurring conflict, are navigating a major transition, or want to make meaningful progress in a more concentrated way.
This is not about rushing the process.
An intensive may be a good fit if you are looking for extended, concentrated blocks of time (such as half-day or multi-day sessions) to better understand what is happening in your relationship, improve communication, rebuild connection, or create a clearer path forward together.
It is about creating enough space to stay with the conversation, understand the pattern more fully, and begin practicing new ways of relating to each other.
What to Expect From Couples Therapy
Starting couples therapy does not mean your relationship is failing.
It means you are willing to look honestly at what is happening and create space for something different.
In the first sessions, we will begin by understanding your relationship story, what brought you to therapy, what each of you is hoping will change, and the patterns that tend to show up between you.
From there, we will work together to identify goals and create a process that feels grounded, collaborative, and realistic for your relationship.
Couples therapy may include exploring communication patterns, strengthening emotional connection, practicing repair, understanding each partner’s needs, and building new ways of responding when conflict or distance appears.
The work is not always easy, but it can create more room for honesty, compassion, and meaningful change.
Ready to Begin a Different Conversation?
If you are feeling stuck in the same patterns, disconnected from each other, or unsure how to move forward, couples therapy can help you slow down and begin creating a new way through.
Support is available in San Francisco and through online therapy across California.