Gottman Method Couples Therapy
In person in San Francisco, Berkeley, and online across California.
Structured couples therapy for partners stuck in the same argument, struggling to communicate, or longing to feel more connected again.
What Is the Gottman Method?
It is not open-ended venting. It is a clinical framework with assessments, tools, and a plan.
The Gottman Method is a structured, evidence-based approach to couples therapy built on decades of research into what keeps partners connected and what pulls them apart. It is not open-ended venting. It is a clinical framework with assessments, tools, and a plan.
Partners replace destructive communication habits with concrete tools for de-escalation, distress tolerance, and emotional attunement.
I use it to interrupt chronic conflict cycles, rebuild the friendship underneath the logistics, and make gridlocked problems discussable. Partners replace destructive communication habits with concrete tools for de-escalation, distress tolerance, and emotional attunement.
I completed Gottman training through Levels One, Two, and Three. I see couples in person at my San Francisco and Berkeley offices, and online anywhere in California, whichever your week can realistically sustain.
The Chapter You're Stuck In
Right now, it might sound like:
"We feel like roommates managing a to-do list instead of a couple."
"We keep having the exact same argument, and nothing ever gets resolved."
"Our disagreements escalate so fast that one of us just shuts down."
"We avoid hard topics, or hide things, just to keep the peace."
"We feel lonely in this relationship, even sitting in the same room."
"Physical intimacy feels like pressure, or one more task on the list."
"Every conversation turns into a fight over who is right, when really we both just want to feel heard."
"We've been so busy doing life, we have lost our connection to each other."
None of these mean the relationship is broken. They usually mean the protective habits that once kept the peace have started costing more than they save.
The Gottman Tools We Use
Neutralizing the Four Horsemen
We retire criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, mainly through the Gottman-Rapoport Intervention and the Aftermath of a Fight protocol.
Autonomic de-escalation
You learn to spot flooding and nervous system dysregulation as it happens and take a structured time-out before the conversation goes past repair.
Dreams Within Conflict
A framework for gridlocked arguments, used to surface the family-of-origin blueprints and core values driving maladaptive or unhelpful patterns.
Softened start-ups and repair
The exact mechanics of opening a hard conversation without triggering defensiveness, and how to process a fight afterward.
Building Love Maps
Structured exercises that update what you know about your partner's inner world and move you out of task-manager mode.
The Gottman Relationship Checkup
A detailed questionnaire that maps your relationship's strengths and pressure points before we build the treatment plan.
How I Approach Our Sessions
We start with a real assessment
An initial joint session so you can tell me your story, individual sessions to understand each partner's family-of-origin history, and the Gottman Relationship Checkup. Then we review the findings together and agree on a concrete plan.
We use the Sound Relationship House framework
You learn the research-backed architecture of what makes relationships succeed or fail. This framework serves as our clear roadmap, showing exactly where your relationship has strong foundations and where we need to rebuild trust, friendship, or conflict skills.
We restructure how you fight
Destructive habits get replaced with clear, direct alternatives. You get frameworks for processing past regrettable incidents and for moving perpetual problems out of the spin cycle and into dialogue.
We rebuild the friendship
Once conflict is manageable, we shift you out of the transactional roommate dynamic with structured work on fondness, attunement, and the performance pressure that often surrounds physical intimacy.
We create shared meaning
We move beyond just fixing problems to defining what you want your life together to look and feel like - identifying shared values, honoring each partner's life dreams, and establishing daily and weekly rituals that protect your connection over the long term.
I am an integral, relational psychotherapist, which means I help you repair your relationship with yourself, your past, and each other. My work bridges several therapeutic frameworks to map the patterns and protective parts keeping you stuck. Two specific specialties I bring into this integrative work are the Gottman Method and Prepare/Enrich.
Gottman Method couples therapy is for you, if:
You keep landing in the same unresolvable argument and nothing you try seems to shift it
One or both of you floods, shuts down, or withdraws the moment things get heated
You have drifted into roommates managing logistics instead of partners with a friendship
Ready to Feel Understood?
1. Book a free consultation
Reach out through the booking link to schedule a free 20 minute consultation. We talk through what is happening and whether this is the right fit.
2. Complete the assessment
We meet four times: The Gottman assessment phase includes an initial joint session, individual sessions, and the Relationship Checkup.
3. Begin the plan
We review the findings together, agree on a treatment plan, and start the work of getting you out of the loop.
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My job is to teach your nervous system to regulate, not to sit back and watch you spin out. If you begin to flood or dysregulate in session, I will step in and pause the conversation. We use that moment to practice structured de-escalation in real time, so you know exactly how to do it at home.
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We look at your family-of-origin blueprints enough to understand why you react to certain triggers now and to allow younger parts or wounds to be witnessed, if they are calling for it. The Gottman Method helps you move from understanding to action with structure. You leave sessions with concrete tools, communication frameworks, and specific homework to change the dynamic in the present.
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Therapy is not designed to be a permanent fixture in your relationship. We start with a four-session assessment to pinpoint the structural weaknesses. From there it depends on your level of gridlock and the work you do at home. Once you can de-escalate and hold emotional safety on your own, we space sessions out and build a relapse-prevention plan.
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The Four Horsemen are four communication patterns the Gottman research identified as especially corrosive: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Each one has a specific antidote, and a large part of the early work is learning to catch them and swap them out in the moment.
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It comes out of decades of observational research on couples by John and Julie Gottman, and the assessments and interventions are built on that work. It is a structured clinical approach rather than a general talk-therapy style, and that structure is much of what couples in gridlock find useful.
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For out-of-network and private pay, sessions are $235 for 50 minutes and $282 for 60 minutes, pro-rated at $4.70 per additional minute if we need more time. I provide monthly superbills upon request for out-of-network PPO reimbursement, and HSA/FSA cards are accepted. We can talk through what fits your needs during the consultation.
Frequently Asked Questions