Gottman Method Couples Therapy
In person in San Francisco, Berkeley, and online across California.
Structured couples therapy for partners stuck in the same argument, struggling to communicate, or longing to feel more connected again. As a Level 3 Trained Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I utilize research-backed interventions and the formalized Gottman Relationship Checkup assessment to map your unique dynamics, dismantle chronic gridlock, and rebuild a sturdier foundation.
What Is the Gottman Method?
It is not open-ended venting. It is a clinical framework with assessments, tools, and a plan.
The Gottman Method is a structured, evidence-based approach to couples therapy built on decades of research into what keeps partners connected and what pulls them apart. Rather than just rehashing old arguments, we utilize the formalized Gottman Relationship Checkup to map your unique dynamics and build a customized, actionable roadmap.
Partners replace destructive communication habits with concrete tools for de-escalation, distress tolerance, and emotional attunement.
I use this methodology to help you interrupt chronic conflict cycles, rebuild the friendship underneath the daily logistics, and make gridlocked problems discussable. Together, we practice real-time interventions in the room so you can shift away from defensive loops and move toward safe, grounded connection.
As a Level 3 Trained Gottman Method Couples Therapist, I see partners in person at my San Francisco and Berkeley offices, and online across California - whichever your week can realistically sustain.
The Chapter You're Stuck In
Right now, it might sound like:
"We feel like roommates managing a to-do list instead of a couple."
"We keep having the exact same gridlocked argument, and nothing ever gets resolved."
"Our disagreements escalate so fast that one of us gets overwhelmed and completely shuts down."
"We avoid hard topics, or hide things, just to keep the peace."
"We feel lonely in this relationship, even sitting in the same room."
"Physical intimacy feels like pressure, or one more task on the list."
"Every conversation turns into a defensive fight over who is right, when really we both just want to feel heard."
"We've been so busy doing life, we have lost our connection to each other."
None of these mean the relationship is broken. They usually mean the protective habits that once kept the peace have started costing more than they save.
The Gottman Tools We Use
Neutralizing the Four Horsemen
We retire criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, mainly through the Gottman-Rapoport Intervention and the Aftermath of a Fight protocol.
Autonomic de-escalation
You learn to spot flooding and nervous system dysregulation as it happens and take a structured time-out before the conversation goes past repair.
Dreams Within Conflict
A framework for gridlocked arguments, used to surface the family-of-origin blueprints and core values driving maladaptive or unhelpful patterns.
Softened start-ups and repair
A framework for gridlocked arguments, used to surface the family-of-origin blueprints, protective parts, and core values driving maladaptive or unhelpful patterns.
Building Love Maps
Structured exercises that update what you know about your partner's inner world and move you out of task-manager mode.
The Gottman Relationship Checkup
A detailed questionnaire that maps your relationship's strengths and pressure points before we build the treatment plan.
How I Approach Our Sessions
We start with a comprehensive relationship assessment
An initial joint session so you can tell me your story, individual sessions to understand each partner's family-of-origin history, and the online Gottman Relationship Checkup. Then, we review the diagnostic findings together to agree on a concrete treatment plan.
We use the Sound Relationship House framework
You learn the research-backed architecture of what makes relationships succeed or fail. This Sound Relationship House framework serves as our clear roadmap, showing exactly where your relationship has strong foundations and where we need to rebuild trust, friendship, or conflict skills.
We restructure how you fight and manage conflict
Destructive habits get replaced with clear, direct alternatives. You get frameworks for processing past regrettable incidents and for moving perpetual problems out of the spin cycle and into dialogue.
We rebuild the friendship and intimacy
Once conflict is manageable, we shift you out of the transactional roommate dynamic with structured work on fondness, admiration, and the performance pressure that often surrounds physical intimacy.
We create shared meaning for your next chapter
We move beyond just fixing problems to defining what you want your life together to look and feel like - identifying shared values, honoring each partner's life dreams, and establishing daily and weekly rituals of connection that protect your bond over the long term.
Gottman Method couples therapy is for you, if:
You keep landing in the same unresolvable argument and nothing you try seems to shift it
One or both of you floods, shuts down, or withdraws the moment things get heated
You have drifted into roommates managing logistics instead of partners with a friendship
Ready to Feel Understood?
Book a consultation
Reach out through the booking link to schedule a free 20 minute consultation. We talk through what is happening and whether this is the right fit.
Complete an Assessment
We meet four times: The Gottman assessment phase includes an initial joint session, individual sessions, and the Relationship Checkup.
Begin the Plan
We review the findings together, agree on a treatment plan, and start the work of getting you out of the loop.
Frequently Asked Questions
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My job is to teach your nervous system to regulate, not to sit back and watch you spin out. If you begin to flood or dysregulate in session, I will step in and pause the conversation. We use that moment to practice structured de-escalation in real time, so you know exactly how to do it at home.
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We look at your family-of-origin blueprints enough to understand why you react to certain triggers now and to allow younger parts or wounds to be witnessed, if they are calling for it. However, the Gottman Method helps you move from understanding to action with clear structure. You leave sessions with concrete relationship tools, communication frameworks, and specific homework to change your dynamic in the present.
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Therapy is not designed to be a permanent fixture in your relationship. We start with a comprehensive four-session Gottman assessment to pinpoint structural weaknesses. From there, the timeline depends on your level of relationship gridlock and the work you practice at home. Once you can de-escalate and maintain emotional safety on your own, we space sessions out and build a custom relapse-prevention plan.
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The Four Horsemen are four toxic communication patterns identified by Gottman relationship research as highly corrosive: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Each negative pattern has a specific clinical antidote, and a large part of our early couples therapy work is learning to catch them and swap them out in the moment.
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This framework comes out of decades of longitudinal, observational research on couples by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman, and all assessments and interventions are built entirely on that data. It is a structured clinical approach rather than a general talk-therapy style, providing the exact framework that couples navigating deep relationship gridlock find most useful.
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I am in-network with Aetna for individual, teen, and couples therapy, with openings based on current panel capacity. For clients utilizing out-of-network benefits or private pay, couples therapy sessions are $235 for 50 minutes and $280 for 60 minutes. I provide monthly superbills upon request for out-of-network PPO reimbursement, and HSA/FSA cards are accepted. (Please note: Because I am an in-network provider with Aetna, I cannot provide superbills for Aetna members who elect to self-pay). We can talk through what fits your needs during our initial consultation.