Couples Therapy in San Francisco & Berkeley, CA
In person in San Francisco, Berkeley, and online across California.
For partners who keep landing in the same conversation, have drifted into logistics, or want to build a sturdier foundation before the next chapter begins. Utilizing Level 3 Gottman Method interventions, parts work, attachment depth, and somatic tracking, we look directly at the scripts in your relationship to move you from gridlock to shared authorship.
Couples therapy is where the two of you look at the pattern between you instead of relitigating who was right.
Most couples arrive able to describe the fight in detail and point to their partner’s role in it but are unable to see the pattern underneath it. Understanding that pattern and learning how to disrupt it is often the work. This isn’t about avoiding conflict, it’s about learning a more thoughtful approach to it. It’s also about bringing more intentionality to closeness and connection, learning how to scan for safety and appreciation, when our bodies are hard wired to scan for threat.
I don't act as a referee. I look at what happens between you, the attack, the withdrawal, the hyper-polite wall, and I name it out loud.
Then we replace those moves with tools you can use on a Tuesday night, not just in my office. The aim is to pivot the two of you from adversaries back to teammates who can co-author a shared future, or help you bring more intimacy and connection into your relationship.
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #157969). I completed Gottman training Levels 1, 2, and 3, and I am a Certified Prepare/Enrich Facilitator. I see couples in person at my San Francisco and Berkeley offices, and online anywhere in California.
What Is Couples Therapy?
The Script on Repeat
It often sounds something like:
"On paper we look like the perfect couple. Behind closed doors, I miss my best friend."
"We divide the calendars and the chores with executive precision, but we want our spark back."
"We love each other deeply, but we keep getting tripped up by old defensive habits."
"Intimacy has dissolved into quiet resentment and endless avoidance."
"I hold things back because I am always bracing for criticism, even though all I want is to feel close to you."
"Small quirks have turned into the ick, and I feel bad about it. I want to want you again."
"Every conversation turns into a fight over who is right, when really we both just want to feel heard."
"We remember how easy and playful this used to be, and we want to find our way back there."
Which leaves the question underneath all of it:
When did we start protecting ourselves from each other instead of connecting?
What We Work On
Trust, repair, and old hurts
Processing the incidents that never got resolved, so they stop getting pulled into every new argument as evidence.
Communication & conflict cycles
The repetitive loop that never resolves, and the specific moves each of you makes inside it that keep it running.
Blended families and step-parenting
Navigating the invisible loyalty binds, co-parenting with ex-partners, establishing step-role boundaries without resentment, and forging a cohesive team when two different family cultures collide.
Life transitions
Moves, careers, new parenthood, loss, and the other pivots that break a communication system that used to work.
Finances and the invisible scorecard
The unexamined emotional scripts around spending, saving, and earning power that quietly turn budget check-ins into fights about control, safety, or worth.
The roommate drift
When the relationship has quietly become a shared calendar and a division of labor, and the friendship and intimacy underneath went missing.
Intimacy and desire
The performance pressure, the mismatched needs, and the way physical connection turns into one more item on a list.
Family of origin and boundaries
The inherited blueprints each of you brought, and where extended family involvement ends and your partnership begins.
Future planning and shared meaning
Aligning on the unwritten life chapters - career moves, long-term wealth, aging parents, and personal dreams—so you build a shared vision instead of living parallel lives.
Autonomy vs. fusion (The "Me" vs. "We")
How to stay anchored in your own identity, voice, and boundaries without emotionally disconnecting or self-abandoning just to keep the peace.
How I Approach Our Sessions
We Read the Script
I want to see how the two of you interact in the room, not just hear each of you describe it after the fact. Most couples are surprised by how quickly the unwritten script reveals itself once someone is actively tracking the pattern.
We slow the body down before the story
Stories leave the mind but take up residence in the body, as tension, hyper-vigilance, and exhaustion. Before we work on content, you learn to notice flooding and regulate your own nervous system.
We name the spin out loud
I map the hidden dynamic and say what I see. Who reached, who pulled back, whose old script just walked into the room. Direct pattern naming rather than passive refereeing.
We honor the armor before we ask you to drop it
Going quiet, attacking, being endlessly polite: none of these were mistakes. They kept you safe once. We respect that before asking you to set it down.
We hand the pen back
You leave with tools, language, and a shared way of repairing, so the work does not depend on me being in the room.
None of this is fast, and no one can promise a particular ending. For many couples, it is within reach.
I am an integral, relational psychotherapist, which means I help you repair your relationship with yourself, your past, and each other. My work bridges several therapeutic frameworks to map the patterns and protective parts keeping you stuck. Two specific specialties I bring into this integrative work are the Gottman Method and Prepare/Enrich.
Specialties
Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Structured, research-backed work for partners stuck in chronic conflict, gridlock, or emotional shutdown.
Premarital Counseling
Short-term work using Prepare/Enrich and Gottman tools for engaged and committed partners building a foundation.
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We start by understanding the pattern between you rather than deciding who is right. Depending on what is happening, that means a structured assessment, individual sessions to understand each of your histories, and then work focused on how the two of you communicate, repair, and reconnect. You get tools to practice between sessions, because the change happens at home more than it happens here.
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Earlier than most people do. Couples often wait years after a problem sets in, which makes the work longer than it needed to be. If you are having the same argument on repeat, avoiding topics to keep the peace, or feeling lonely inside the relationship, that is enough of a reason. So is wanting to strengthen something that is already good.
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That is common and it does not have to stop you. Sometimes a reluctant partner is willing to try one consultation without committing to anything. Sometimes individual work on your own side of the pattern shifts the dynamic enough that the conversation changes at home. We can talk through what makes sense for your specific situation. Often, one person is worried I won’t hear their version of the story. My job is not to act as a judge who picks which story is “true,” but to hear how your stories are told differently and bridge the gap.
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My role is not about taking sides, but I do not do passive nodding or sterile refereeing. In my practice, the person is never the problem. The systemic dance and the protective armor are the problem. I step in when someone is violating our agreements. My role is to actively track your communication patterns out loud, name the hidden dynamics, and give direct, collaborative feedback so both of you feel heard, respected, and accountable to the partnership.
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It depends on how entrenched the pattern is and how much you practice between sessions. Structured couples work often starts with a four-session assessment, and premarital work typically runs 6 to 10 sessions. Therapy is not designed to be a permanent fixture. Once you can de-escalate and repair on your own, we space sessions out and plan your exit.
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I am in-network with Aetna for individual, teen, and couples therapy. In-network openings are based on current panel capacity and availability. For clients utilizing out-of-network benefits or choosing private pay, sessions are $235 for 50 minutes and $280 for 60 minutes (pro-rated in 10-minute increments at $47 if additional time is needed). I provide monthly superbills upon request for out-of-network PPO reimbursement, and HSA/FSA cards are accepted. (Please note: Because I am an in-network provider with Aetna, I cannot provide superbills for Aetna members who elect to self-pay). We can talk through what fits your needs during our initial consultation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Ready to Begin a Different Conversation?
If you are feeling stuck in the same patterns, disconnected from each other, or unsure how to move forward, couples therapy can help you slow down and begin creating a new way through.
Support is available in San Francisco and through online therapy across California.